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Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
ROFLMAO!
Yesterday, I showed my son this video, which I hadn't seen in a long time. We ROFLMAOed!
This one, I found this morning from The Onion and again, I ROFLMAOed.
Study: Most Children Strongly Opposed To Children’s Healthcare
This one, I found this morning from The Onion and again, I ROFLMAOed.
Study: Most Children Strongly Opposed To Children’s Healthcare
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Unpublished but Irrefutable Laws
These laws are not scientifically proven, not theoretically reasonable and not professionally endorsed, but they are irrefutably true. (I've read them before, but saw them at Funtasticus recently.)
O’brien’s Variation Law: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
Cannon’s Karmic Law:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.
Kovac’s Conundrum:
When you dial a wrong number,you never get an engaged one.
OWEN’S LAW
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
HOWDEN’S LAW
You remember you have to mail a letter only when you’re near the mailbox.
Lorenz’s Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
Anthony’s Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
BELL’S THEOREM
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
RUBY’S PRINCIPLE OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
WILLOUGHBY’S LAW
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
ZADRA’S LAW OF BIOMECHANICS
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
BREDA’S RULE
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last
O’brien’s Variation Law: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
Cannon’s Karmic Law:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.
Kovac’s Conundrum:
When you dial a wrong number,you never get an engaged one.
OWEN’S LAW
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
HOWDEN’S LAW
You remember you have to mail a letter only when you’re near the mailbox.
Lorenz’s Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
Anthony’s Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
BELL’S THEOREM
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
RUBY’S PRINCIPLE OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
WILLOUGHBY’S LAW
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
ZADRA’S LAW OF BIOMECHANICS
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
BREDA’S RULE
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last
Saturday, November 22, 2008
I can has cheezburger ... and pathos?
Click on the title to see the original, but here's just the text without links just in case you can't see it or they take it down.
-------------------------
The lolcats, the Internet's most famous felines, may be hilarious. But in their yearning, I see nothing less than the tragedy of the human condition.
By Jay Dixit
Nov. 15, 2008 | The first time I saw a lolcat -- those funny images of felines with grammatically questionable captions -- it took me a minute to understand the joke.
"What's with the misspellings?" I wrote the friend who'd IM'd me the link. "Cats are dumb and can't spell?"
"Pretty much," my friend replied.
"And they have bad grammar?" I wrote, still processing the idea.
"Yes," he wrote. "Get it?"
I did. In fact, I couldn't stop laughing.
By now, even the most casual observers of the Internet are aware that lolcats have become a certifiable Internet phenomenon. Their flagship site, Icanhascheezburger.com, is one of Web 2.0's big success stories -- on track to top a billion page views this year -- and its content is entirely user-generated. Readers upload over 5,000 homegrown submissions every day, of which six or eight are posted on the site. And in October, the lolcats got their very own coffee table book, "I Can Has Cheezburger," published by Gotham Books.
I love lolcats. I'm not ashamed to admit it. Sure, they've been around for almost two years -- but the site posts fresh new jokes every day, and I'm never disappointed.
But what draws me to the site even more than what's funny is what's sad. My favorite lolcats are not the rapscallions pining for "cheezburgers" or helpfully upgrading your RAM, but rather a brilliant and underappreciated subgenre of sad lolcats -- tragic figures of grief, yearning and unrequited love. But I'll come back to that.
What makes lolcats different from the cat porn of the past -- the motivational posters of the '70s and '80s featuring furry kittens hanging from tree limbs, covered in toilet paper or in some other kind of adorable predicament -- is that lolcats aren't trying to be cute. In the cat-based imagery of ages past, cats retain their iconic traits: curiosity, skittishness, the tendency to curl up in a ball and just lie there. Even the YouTube cats of today perform characteristically catlike actions, repeatedly flushing toilets, dragging their paws along piano keys or getting flung off the ends of treadmills.
Lolcats are different in that the characters they portray -- and yes, they are portraying characters -- don't represent cats at all. They're a completely different kind of beast, mischievous (if incompetent) rascals, scheming for cheeseburgers and stopping at nothing to get them.
Take the lolcat that started it all, created by a Hawaiian blogger named Eric Nakagawa, who posted it in January 2007. The image features a cat with a crazed look of pure animal hunger, its eyes maniacal with desire, asking, "I can has cheezburger?" Underneath is the comment: "The Internet's piece de resistance, the website's raison d'etre."
This ur-lolcat created such a sensation that Nakagawa turned it into a blog, spawning not only the eponymous Web site but also a whole mythology. The cheezburger has become the Philosopher's Stone of the lolcats mythos -- the most prized, cherished and elusive object in their universe. It is for this reason that, when a tiny kitten being sniffed by a Great Dane 20 times its size needs a quick escape, it says, "I iz not cheezburger, kthxbai." It is for this reason that when a user finds a photo of a cat sitting by the window with its paws in its lap, the caption reads, "I iz waitin for cheezburger man. Does you have a money?"
The Web is now spawning a wave of next-generation lolcats sites that take the lolcats concept and run with it. There's lolpresident, loldogs, and even lolhan, a site devoted to Lindsay Lohan that includes such classics as "I layded you an egg but I'z hidin it."
There's lolcats magnetic poetry, lolcats translators, even a lolcats Bible Translation Project that renders familiar verses into Standard Feline English. The Supreme Being in the lolcats cosmology is "Ceiling Cat," a meme that began with a photograph of a cat peering down from a hole in the ceiling -- "Ceiling Cat is watching you masturbate" -- then became so standard that this feline deity is now routinely worshiped.
Thus, Genesis 1:1 is rendered as, "Oh hai! In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez an da Urfs." (Satan, of course, is represented by a black cat called Basement Cat.)
This is all funny stuff. But I submit that the true genius of lolcats lies in their tragedy.
In one classic example, one cat is crying, and another is hugging it and saying, "Don't crai. We'll get cheezburger someday." It's sweet and poignant and wistful all at the same time. Life can be hard, it says, and we don't always get what we want, but even as we long for things we may never have, we draw succor from the reassurances of those we love. Sure, it's ridiculous that what the cat is yearning for is a cheeseburger. But the cheeseburger is not really a cheeseburger -- it's a symbol.
Here's another: A brown and black calico looks out the window of his apartment only to notice a beautiful white female on the balcony across the way. His heart quickens, in the scenario I imagine, then he swallows hard and quickly looks away, unable to muster the courage to speak to her. The caption: "Evry dayz, 3 o'clockz ... Mebe one day I sez meow to her." Who among us hasn't felt that longing and regret? Who among us hasn't passed an attractive stranger in the supermarket or on the street, only to kick ourselves afterward for letting the opportunity slip between our fingers?
In fact, there's a whole species of the genus Lol devoted to the tragic: the "lolwalruses," or "lolruses." If lolcats are incorrigible little rascals, lolruses are romantic heroes, born to suffer, whose lives are dominated by the exquisite misery of love lost. The lolrus meme originated with a single diptych. The first panel displays the walrus lovingly cradling a bucket, a look of absurd delight on its face. In the second panel, a trainer is ripping the bucket away as the walrus looks on in helpless panic. And the saga of the lolrus and its beloved bucket takes off from there.
Clearly, I'm moved by these pictures. But what is it about the lolruses and the sad lolcats that is so gut-wrenching?
To try to understand, I turned to Bob Mankoff, the New Yorker's brilliant cartoon editor. After all, a lolcat is just an image with a caption -- in other words, a cartoon.
The first reason sad lolcats can be so powerful, Mankoff suggested, is their comedic structure. The meaning of a lolcat is rarely straightforward -- rather, there's a punch line of sorts, a layer of meaning you have to think about for a moment in order to grasp. So the punch line, the same thing that makes the lolcat funny, is what makes it sad. You could call these tragic strips.
The best example I know of this kind of cartoon is one by Charles Addams that depicts a male and female unicorn standing on a sliver of land in the rain as Noah's Ark sails away. Having arrived too late, all the unicorns can do is watch the ark recede into the distance as the waters rise around them. The image conveys so much regret -- the idea that we were so close, that we could still have these magical creatures among us today if only we'd been more patient. It's the sadness of missed opportunities.
But the unicorn cartoon still has the structure of a joke. You have to "get" the extra layer of meaning, grasping that the unicorns aren't, say, marooned on a desert island, but standing on a mountaintop as the floodwaters surge around them. "It's not just sad, because something that's just sad -- someone being killed, run over -- we know what that feels like," says Mankoff. "Here, you're using a mechanism that's usually involved in humor: the cleverness of getting it."
A second major factor in the poignancy of the sad lolcat, I would argue, is the use of animals. The comic form is generally a prophylaxis against sentimentality. By articulating profound feelings through cats and marine mammals speaking garbled English, we're able to shroud genuine emotions in pseudo-irony -- which means those animals can evoke deeper emotions without fear of mockery or cheapness.
Animals are also childlike and helpless. When we see a cute little dog in a New Yorker cartoon, it triggers the responses we have toward children. Cartoon dogs are childlike creatures: They're cute and have big heads, big eyes, exaggerated, childlike features.
Of course, to express human emotions, you need an expressive face. "It's cats, not scorpions," says Mankoff. "It's cats, not rats. If somehow on YouTube there was a rat flushing the toilet over and over again, we wouldn't think it's too interesting."
It is because animals are able to move us so powerfully that many tragic strips use animals instead of people. In one New Yorker cartoon, a dog is lying on the couch, while another dog, his therapist, sits in a chair and takes notes. "They moved my bowl," says the dog on the couch. The message isn't really about the moving of bowls at all, but about our problems in life, our frustrations, our sense of being victims.
"The animals aren't animals at all, they're stand-ins," explains Mankoff. "They're hybrids we use as devices to talk about the feelings we can't name in other ways."
The same is true of the sad lolcats and the lolruses. Consider LolSecretz. It's like PostSecret.com -- which publishes anonymous bathroom-wall-variety confessions ("I had gay sex at church camp," "I only love two of my children," etc.) -- except it uses images of cats. In one, a black cat says, "I just wishes I wuz white." In a third, a world-weary cat with dead eyes gazes longingly at a knife, saying, "i killed mahself 6 timez ... 3 to go."
Just as the dogs in the New Yorker cartoons don't represent actual dogs, these cats don't represent cats at all, but people. By using cats, icanhascheezburger can access themes more tragic and poignant than it could using people. You wouldn't enjoy a comic of an actual person fingering a blade and contemplating suicide -- but when it's a cat, you can accept it. You can even laugh.
And that's the real answer to the puzzle. We've gone from cats as cats, to cats as scheming rascals, to cats as human beings. The sad lolcats represent people. We have seen the lolcats, and they are us.
-------------------------
The lolcats, the Internet's most famous felines, may be hilarious. But in their yearning, I see nothing less than the tragedy of the human condition.
By Jay Dixit
Nov. 15, 2008 | The first time I saw a lolcat -- those funny images of felines with grammatically questionable captions -- it took me a minute to understand the joke.
"What's with the misspellings?" I wrote the friend who'd IM'd me the link. "Cats are dumb and can't spell?"
"Pretty much," my friend replied.
"And they have bad grammar?" I wrote, still processing the idea.
"Yes," he wrote. "Get it?"
I did. In fact, I couldn't stop laughing.
By now, even the most casual observers of the Internet are aware that lolcats have become a certifiable Internet phenomenon. Their flagship site, Icanhascheezburger.com, is one of Web 2.0's big success stories -- on track to top a billion page views this year -- and its content is entirely user-generated. Readers upload over 5,000 homegrown submissions every day, of which six or eight are posted on the site. And in October, the lolcats got their very own coffee table book, "I Can Has Cheezburger," published by Gotham Books.
I love lolcats. I'm not ashamed to admit it. Sure, they've been around for almost two years -- but the site posts fresh new jokes every day, and I'm never disappointed.
But what draws me to the site even more than what's funny is what's sad. My favorite lolcats are not the rapscallions pining for "cheezburgers" or helpfully upgrading your RAM, but rather a brilliant and underappreciated subgenre of sad lolcats -- tragic figures of grief, yearning and unrequited love. But I'll come back to that.
What makes lolcats different from the cat porn of the past -- the motivational posters of the '70s and '80s featuring furry kittens hanging from tree limbs, covered in toilet paper or in some other kind of adorable predicament -- is that lolcats aren't trying to be cute. In the cat-based imagery of ages past, cats retain their iconic traits: curiosity, skittishness, the tendency to curl up in a ball and just lie there. Even the YouTube cats of today perform characteristically catlike actions, repeatedly flushing toilets, dragging their paws along piano keys or getting flung off the ends of treadmills.
Lolcats are different in that the characters they portray -- and yes, they are portraying characters -- don't represent cats at all. They're a completely different kind of beast, mischievous (if incompetent) rascals, scheming for cheeseburgers and stopping at nothing to get them.
Take the lolcat that started it all, created by a Hawaiian blogger named Eric Nakagawa, who posted it in January 2007. The image features a cat with a crazed look of pure animal hunger, its eyes maniacal with desire, asking, "I can has cheezburger?" Underneath is the comment: "The Internet's piece de resistance, the website's raison d'etre."
This ur-lolcat created such a sensation that Nakagawa turned it into a blog, spawning not only the eponymous Web site but also a whole mythology. The cheezburger has become the Philosopher's Stone of the lolcats mythos -- the most prized, cherished and elusive object in their universe. It is for this reason that, when a tiny kitten being sniffed by a Great Dane 20 times its size needs a quick escape, it says, "I iz not cheezburger, kthxbai." It is for this reason that when a user finds a photo of a cat sitting by the window with its paws in its lap, the caption reads, "I iz waitin for cheezburger man. Does you have a money?"
The Web is now spawning a wave of next-generation lolcats sites that take the lolcats concept and run with it. There's lolpresident, loldogs, and even lolhan, a site devoted to Lindsay Lohan that includes such classics as "I layded you an egg but I'z hidin it."
There's lolcats magnetic poetry, lolcats translators, even a lolcats Bible Translation Project that renders familiar verses into Standard Feline English. The Supreme Being in the lolcats cosmology is "Ceiling Cat," a meme that began with a photograph of a cat peering down from a hole in the ceiling -- "Ceiling Cat is watching you masturbate" -- then became so standard that this feline deity is now routinely worshiped.
Thus, Genesis 1:1 is rendered as, "Oh hai! In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez an da Urfs." (Satan, of course, is represented by a black cat called Basement Cat.)
This is all funny stuff. But I submit that the true genius of lolcats lies in their tragedy.
In one classic example, one cat is crying, and another is hugging it and saying, "Don't crai. We'll get cheezburger someday." It's sweet and poignant and wistful all at the same time. Life can be hard, it says, and we don't always get what we want, but even as we long for things we may never have, we draw succor from the reassurances of those we love. Sure, it's ridiculous that what the cat is yearning for is a cheeseburger. But the cheeseburger is not really a cheeseburger -- it's a symbol.
Here's another: A brown and black calico looks out the window of his apartment only to notice a beautiful white female on the balcony across the way. His heart quickens, in the scenario I imagine, then he swallows hard and quickly looks away, unable to muster the courage to speak to her. The caption: "Evry dayz, 3 o'clockz ... Mebe one day I sez meow to her." Who among us hasn't felt that longing and regret? Who among us hasn't passed an attractive stranger in the supermarket or on the street, only to kick ourselves afterward for letting the opportunity slip between our fingers?
In fact, there's a whole species of the genus Lol devoted to the tragic: the "lolwalruses," or "lolruses." If lolcats are incorrigible little rascals, lolruses are romantic heroes, born to suffer, whose lives are dominated by the exquisite misery of love lost. The lolrus meme originated with a single diptych. The first panel displays the walrus lovingly cradling a bucket, a look of absurd delight on its face. In the second panel, a trainer is ripping the bucket away as the walrus looks on in helpless panic. And the saga of the lolrus and its beloved bucket takes off from there.
Clearly, I'm moved by these pictures. But what is it about the lolruses and the sad lolcats that is so gut-wrenching?
To try to understand, I turned to Bob Mankoff, the New Yorker's brilliant cartoon editor. After all, a lolcat is just an image with a caption -- in other words, a cartoon.
The first reason sad lolcats can be so powerful, Mankoff suggested, is their comedic structure. The meaning of a lolcat is rarely straightforward -- rather, there's a punch line of sorts, a layer of meaning you have to think about for a moment in order to grasp. So the punch line, the same thing that makes the lolcat funny, is what makes it sad. You could call these tragic strips.
The best example I know of this kind of cartoon is one by Charles Addams that depicts a male and female unicorn standing on a sliver of land in the rain as Noah's Ark sails away. Having arrived too late, all the unicorns can do is watch the ark recede into the distance as the waters rise around them. The image conveys so much regret -- the idea that we were so close, that we could still have these magical creatures among us today if only we'd been more patient. It's the sadness of missed opportunities.
But the unicorn cartoon still has the structure of a joke. You have to "get" the extra layer of meaning, grasping that the unicorns aren't, say, marooned on a desert island, but standing on a mountaintop as the floodwaters surge around them. "It's not just sad, because something that's just sad -- someone being killed, run over -- we know what that feels like," says Mankoff. "Here, you're using a mechanism that's usually involved in humor: the cleverness of getting it."
A second major factor in the poignancy of the sad lolcat, I would argue, is the use of animals. The comic form is generally a prophylaxis against sentimentality. By articulating profound feelings through cats and marine mammals speaking garbled English, we're able to shroud genuine emotions in pseudo-irony -- which means those animals can evoke deeper emotions without fear of mockery or cheapness.
Animals are also childlike and helpless. When we see a cute little dog in a New Yorker cartoon, it triggers the responses we have toward children. Cartoon dogs are childlike creatures: They're cute and have big heads, big eyes, exaggerated, childlike features.
Of course, to express human emotions, you need an expressive face. "It's cats, not scorpions," says Mankoff. "It's cats, not rats. If somehow on YouTube there was a rat flushing the toilet over and over again, we wouldn't think it's too interesting."
It is because animals are able to move us so powerfully that many tragic strips use animals instead of people. In one New Yorker cartoon, a dog is lying on the couch, while another dog, his therapist, sits in a chair and takes notes. "They moved my bowl," says the dog on the couch. The message isn't really about the moving of bowls at all, but about our problems in life, our frustrations, our sense of being victims.
"The animals aren't animals at all, they're stand-ins," explains Mankoff. "They're hybrids we use as devices to talk about the feelings we can't name in other ways."
The same is true of the sad lolcats and the lolruses. Consider LolSecretz. It's like PostSecret.com -- which publishes anonymous bathroom-wall-variety confessions ("I had gay sex at church camp," "I only love two of my children," etc.) -- except it uses images of cats. In one, a black cat says, "I just wishes I wuz white." In a third, a world-weary cat with dead eyes gazes longingly at a knife, saying, "i killed mahself 6 timez ... 3 to go."
Just as the dogs in the New Yorker cartoons don't represent actual dogs, these cats don't represent cats at all, but people. By using cats, icanhascheezburger can access themes more tragic and poignant than it could using people. You wouldn't enjoy a comic of an actual person fingering a blade and contemplating suicide -- but when it's a cat, you can accept it. You can even laugh.
And that's the real answer to the puzzle. We've gone from cats as cats, to cats as scheming rascals, to cats as human beings. The sad lolcats represent people. We have seen the lolcats, and they are us.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Overpaid Teachers
This is from Miss Cellania here.
I'm fed up with teachers and their hefty salary guides. What we need here is a little perspective. If I had my way, I'd pay these teachers myself...I'd pay them babysitting wages. That's right. Instead of paying these outrageous taxes, I'd give them $3.00 an hour out of my own pocket. And I'm only going to pay them for five hours, not coffee breaks. That would be $15.00 a day. Each parent should pay $15 a day for these teachers to babysit their children. Even if they have more than one child, it's still cheaper than private day care.
Now, how many children do they teach in a day, maybe twenty? That's $15 X 20 = $300 a day. But remember they only work 180 days a year! I'm not going to pay them for all those vacations. $300 X180 = $54,000. (Just a minute, I think my calculator needs batteries.)
I know you teachers will say, "What about those who have ten years of experience and a Master's degree?" Well, maybe, (just to be fair) they could get the minimum wage, and instead of just babysitting, they could read the kids a story. We can round that off to about $5.00 an hour, times 5 hours, times 20 children...$5.00 X 5 X 20. That's $500 a day times 180 days. That's $90,000. HUH? Wait a minute...! Let's get a little perspective here.
Babysitting wages are too good for those teachers. Did anyone see a salary guide around here???!!!
(via Classroom Connection)
I'm fed up with teachers and their hefty salary guides. What we need here is a little perspective. If I had my way, I'd pay these teachers myself...I'd pay them babysitting wages. That's right. Instead of paying these outrageous taxes, I'd give them $3.00 an hour out of my own pocket. And I'm only going to pay them for five hours, not coffee breaks. That would be $15.00 a day. Each parent should pay $15 a day for these teachers to babysit their children. Even if they have more than one child, it's still cheaper than private day care.
Now, how many children do they teach in a day, maybe twenty? That's $15 X 20 = $300 a day. But remember they only work 180 days a year! I'm not going to pay them for all those vacations. $300 X180 = $54,000. (Just a minute, I think my calculator needs batteries.)
I know you teachers will say, "What about those who have ten years of experience and a Master's degree?" Well, maybe, (just to be fair) they could get the minimum wage, and instead of just babysitting, they could read the kids a story. We can round that off to about $5.00 an hour, times 5 hours, times 20 children...$5.00 X 5 X 20. That's $500 a day times 180 days. That's $90,000. HUH? Wait a minute...! Let's get a little perspective here.
Babysitting wages are too good for those teachers. Did anyone see a salary guide around here???!!!
(via Classroom Connection)
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Time-Wasting Thoughts
I take no credit for these, I found them at Funtasticus.com.
Don't sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor…..
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
I went to a bookstore and asked the sales woman,”Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley farmer is sued can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have “S” in it?
Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?
Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
Don't sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor…..
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
I went to a bookstore and asked the sales woman,”Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley farmer is sued can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have “S” in it?
Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?
Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Hello, again.
Sorry, had a lot of homework, lately. Had a big test today, so no homework tonight.
You HAVE to, simply MUST, go look at this website: Sarah Palin as President, it's one of the funniest things I've seen in a while!
Speaking of funny, did you get a look at this? (click for bigger)
I really need a good caption for this, got any ideas?
You HAVE to, simply MUST, go look at this website: Sarah Palin as President, it's one of the funniest things I've seen in a while!
Speaking of funny, did you get a look at this? (click for bigger)
I really need a good caption for this, got any ideas?
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Hello, again.
Sorry posting's been kind of slow lately, but school just started and college is giving me a lot of homework!
If you're bored, surf some of my links and you should get a laugh.
Here's a great link from Davezilla.com Prank Tattoos
Caution: don't get something in another language tattooed on yourself unless you are sure what it means! LOL!
BTW, in case I haven't mentioned this one before, Obscure Store and Reading Room is a great place to find something interesting to read.
If you're bored, surf some of my links and you should get a laugh.
Here's a great link from Davezilla.com Prank Tattoos
Caution: don't get something in another language tattooed on yourself unless you are sure what it means! LOL!
BTW, in case I haven't mentioned this one before, Obscure Store and Reading Room is a great place to find something interesting to read.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
The 25 Best Exam Blunders
1) Classical Studies
Question: Name one of the early Romans' greatest achievements.
Answer: Learning to speak Latin
2) Biology
Question: What is a fibula?
Answer: A little lie
3) General Studies
Question: Jeff has been asked to collect data about the amount of television his friends watch. Think of an appropriate question he could ask them.
Answer: How much TV do you watch?
4) Classical Studies
Question: What were the circumstances of Julius Caesar's death?
Answer: Suspicious ones
5) Biology
Question: Give an example of a smoking-related disease
Answer: Early death
6) Geography
Question: What are the Pyramids?
Answer: The Pyramids are a large mountain range which splits France and Spain
7) Biology
Question: What is a plasmid?
Answer: A high definition television
8) English
Question: In Pride and Prejudice, at what moment does Elizabeth Bennet realise her true feelings for Mr Darcy?
Answer: When she sees him coming out of the lake.
9) Geography
Question: What do we call a person forced to leave their home perhaps by a natural disaster or war, without having another home to go to.
Answer: Homeless
10) Religious Studies
Question: Christians only have one spouse, what is this called?
Answer: Monotony
11) Biology
Question: In the Hawaiian Islands, there are around 500 different species of fruit fly. Give a reason for this
Answer: There are approximately 500 varieties of fruit
12) Physics
Question: Name an environmental side effect of burning fossil fuels
Answer: Fire
13) Geography
Question: Define the term "intensive farming".
Answer: It is when a farmer never has a day off.
14) Maths
Question: Change 7/8 to a decimal
Answer: 7.8
15) Geography
Question: What does the term "lava" mean?
Answer: A pre-pubescent caterpillar
16) General Studies
Question: Redundancy is often an unpleasant and unexpected event in someone's life. Give two examples of unexpected life events.
Answer: 1) death 2) Reincarnation
17) History
Question: What was introduced in the Children's Charter of 1908?
Answer: Children
18) Business Studies
Question: Explain the word "wholesaler".
Answer: Someone who sells you whole items - eg, a whole cake
19) Geography
Question: The race of people known as Malays come from which country?
Answer: Malaria
20) Geography
Question:What artificial waterway runs between the Mediterranean and Red Seas?
Answer: The Sewage Canal
21) Geography
Question: Name one famous Greek landmark
Answer: The most famous Greek landmark is the Apocalypse
22) Maths
Question: Expand 2 (x + y)
Answer: 2 ( x + y )
2 ( x + y )
2 ( x + y )
23) Business Studies
Question: Assess Fashion House pls's choice to locate its factory near Birmingham. Is Birmingham the right location for this type of business?
Answer: No. People from Birmingham aren't very fashionable.
24) History
Question: Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed?
Answer: At the bottom.
25) History
Question: What did Mahatma Gandhi and Genghis Khan have in common?
Answer: Unusual names.
via Miss Cellania
Question: Name one of the early Romans' greatest achievements.
Answer: Learning to speak Latin
2) Biology
Question: What is a fibula?
Answer: A little lie
3) General Studies
Question: Jeff has been asked to collect data about the amount of television his friends watch. Think of an appropriate question he could ask them.
Answer: How much TV do you watch?
4) Classical Studies
Question: What were the circumstances of Julius Caesar's death?
Answer: Suspicious ones
5) Biology
Question: Give an example of a smoking-related disease
Answer: Early death
6) Geography
Question: What are the Pyramids?
Answer: The Pyramids are a large mountain range which splits France and Spain
7) Biology
Question: What is a plasmid?
Answer: A high definition television
8) English
Question: In Pride and Prejudice, at what moment does Elizabeth Bennet realise her true feelings for Mr Darcy?
Answer: When she sees him coming out of the lake.
9) Geography
Question: What do we call a person forced to leave their home perhaps by a natural disaster or war, without having another home to go to.
Answer: Homeless
10) Religious Studies
Question: Christians only have one spouse, what is this called?
Answer: Monotony
11) Biology
Question: In the Hawaiian Islands, there are around 500 different species of fruit fly. Give a reason for this
Answer: There are approximately 500 varieties of fruit
12) Physics
Question: Name an environmental side effect of burning fossil fuels
Answer: Fire
13) Geography
Question: Define the term "intensive farming".
Answer: It is when a farmer never has a day off.
14) Maths
Question: Change 7/8 to a decimal
Answer: 7.8
15) Geography
Question: What does the term "lava" mean?
Answer: A pre-pubescent caterpillar
16) General Studies
Question: Redundancy is often an unpleasant and unexpected event in someone's life. Give two examples of unexpected life events.
Answer: 1) death 2) Reincarnation
17) History
Question: What was introduced in the Children's Charter of 1908?
Answer: Children
18) Business Studies
Question: Explain the word "wholesaler".
Answer: Someone who sells you whole items - eg, a whole cake
19) Geography
Question: The race of people known as Malays come from which country?
Answer: Malaria
20) Geography
Question:What artificial waterway runs between the Mediterranean and Red Seas?
Answer: The Sewage Canal
21) Geography
Question: Name one famous Greek landmark
Answer: The most famous Greek landmark is the Apocalypse
22) Maths
Question: Expand 2 (x + y)
Answer: 2 ( x + y )
2 ( x + y )
2 ( x + y )
23) Business Studies
Question: Assess Fashion House pls's choice to locate its factory near Birmingham. Is Birmingham the right location for this type of business?
Answer: No. People from Birmingham aren't very fashionable.
24) History
Question: Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed?
Answer: At the bottom.
25) History
Question: What did Mahatma Gandhi and Genghis Khan have in common?
Answer: Unusual names.
via Miss Cellania
Friday, September 19, 2008
Lines on the Head!
Apparently real headlines printed in the newspapers that can be freaking funny if you weren’t the one writing it!
- Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
- Miners Refuse to Work after Death
- Include Your Children when Baking Cookies
- Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
- Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
- Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
- Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
- Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
- Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
- Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
- Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
- Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
- Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
- British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
- Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
- Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Axe
- Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
- Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
- War Dims Hope for Peace
- Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
- Deer Kill 17,000
- Stolen Painting Found by Tree
- Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
- Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire
- Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
- Local High School Drop-outs Cut in Half
- New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
- Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
- Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter
- Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
- Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
- Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
- New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
- Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
- Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
- Eye Drops Off Shelf
- Teachers Strike Idle Kids
- Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
- Princess Diana Was Alive Hours Before She Died
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Don't know the source for all these, but I found them at Funtasticus.
- Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
- Miners Refuse to Work after Death
- Include Your Children when Baking Cookies
- Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
- Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
- Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
- Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
- Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
- Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
- Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
- Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
- Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
- Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
- British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
- Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
- Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Axe
- Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
- Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
- War Dims Hope for Peace
- Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
- Deer Kill 17,000
- Stolen Painting Found by Tree
- Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
- Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire
- Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
- Local High School Drop-outs Cut in Half
- New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
- Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
- Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter
- Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
- Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
- Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
- New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
- Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
- Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
- Eye Drops Off Shelf
- Teachers Strike Idle Kids
- Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
- Princess Diana Was Alive Hours Before She Died
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Don't know the source for all these, but I found them at Funtasticus.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
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